Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
