No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
