yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
