i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
