all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
