This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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