his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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