kristin has been a bad kristin
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
