Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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