he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
