I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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