I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
