its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
