Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
