Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
