using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
porn star boner night. come get it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
