I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
