May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
