the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
