Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
