i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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