spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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