fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I could fuck to npr.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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