Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
