I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
