So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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