even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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