so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
