you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
