Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He better not be in your backpack
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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