I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also, beer. Big fan.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
