I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
