I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
