The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will be naked everywhere
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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