What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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