Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
