I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
