drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
