it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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