Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
