Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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