Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
