Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
