I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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