if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
