The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
