yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize