a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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