I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
