Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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