there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize