I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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