i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
