I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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