The best revenge is premature balding
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize