I'm jealous of your bromance
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He shit in the fireplace
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
