chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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