im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
