you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
