We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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