just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
