so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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