Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize