Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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