Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
