He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
