I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
