so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
40s are totally the cure
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
