Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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