I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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