So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
