i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
