Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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