I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
