I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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