You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
