Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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