Yo dont text me then not text me
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
