his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
