me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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