I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize