the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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