I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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