Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
