party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
