just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
