Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i dont even know how to be here
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize