Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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