Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
