I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
