Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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