If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
