I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
