Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
