I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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