And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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