butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
